BDSM isn’t all whipping and slapping, it’s a unique power exchange that doesn’t have to involve pain at all.

Written by Annastasia Lee

Disgraceful Contributor

BDSM or Bondage, Discipline, Dominance, Submission, Sadism and Masochism is a broad spectrum of power play that involves finding pleasure in pain. 

It may seem like an oxymoron to discuss pleasure and pain in the same sentence but as many of you might now outside of sex these concepts often go hand in hand. 

Those of us who endure long distance running develop the same sort of pleasure while experiencing the phenomenon called a ‘Runner’s High’. This sensation happens when the runner pushes their body to its limit causing a rush of endorphins to the brain. Or, tattoo finatics who enjoy the pain of a thousand tiny needles for hours on end. 

In a biological sense the body releases ‘happy hormones’ in these high adrenaline states. As well as anticipation and anxiety symptoms. These work to get the heart rate going much like the sensation of  enjoying a tense horror movie. 

A study on 35 couples who partake in BDSM, conducted by the Journal of Sexual Medicine sought to identify the biological mechanisms associated with BDSM play. 

A quote from their findings suggests that power play had a larger pleasure finding for dominant parties than in pain play. While submissive parties scored high for most forms of BDSM play. 

“The aforementioned results suggest that power play has a larger pleasure component for dominants in a BDSM interaction than pain play. In submissives, increased stress-responses are seen during BDSM interactions which can be explained by a positive stress reaction, but there is also a significant pleasure experience. This is supported by the strong association between cortisol levels and endocannabinoid levels.”

So, BDSM isn’t all whipping and slapping, it’s a unique power exchange that doesn’t have to involve pain at all.  Many parties enjoy the power exchange, this includes light play activities such as blindfolding and handcuffs. These are also great starter activities to get beginner couples to see if they enjoy giving or receiving power workout the scary latex stuff! 

It’s important to note that for those of you reading that would like to get involved in BDSM but don’t know where to start I’ve compiled a list of important things to remember. Be a good sub and read carefully.

• Aftercare is CRUCIAL. Regardless of how hard you go, you must take a step back after the session to check in and care for your partner. This kind of sex can be emotionally draining as well as physically, please take care.

• Create a safe word. This should be someone that won’t come up during the session, to avoid confusion, choose something short and odd. Mine is church for an example. 

• Learn each other’s boundaries. It is so so important that you discuss boundaries before you decide to begin a session. Just because someone was okay, doesn’t make it always ok. Nor should you assume your partners up for anything because they are interested in BDSM. Talk, talk talk. 

• Avoid the deep end. It is very easy to become over-excited in the beginning and jump into everything all at once. Slow down. Rome wasn’t built in a day, if you jump in too fast you might drown. Enjoy it and slow it down. 

• Have fun! It may feel a little silly at first but BDSM is all about letting yourself go! Enjoy the ride and embrace the silly! 

BDSM is often thought to be a scary leather bearing activity exclusive to the kinkiest of us. But this is simply not the case, anyone can enjoy in small ways the pleasure of pain. I encourage everyone to dip their toe or 17 inch pronged paddle into the pool and see what you discover.