Lou Featherstone, otherwise known as the iconic LuInLuLand, talks to Disgraceful about all things body positive. She dives deep into her own personal journey to becoming who she is to date and why she continues to set out to help other women of all ages to become their most confident selves. From sex and mastubation, to the menopause and unsolicited dick pics to building an incredible and growing community online, Lou offers some words of wisdom and insight into growing old disgracefully as possible.

JB: Hey Lou! We love everything you do with your platform! Can you introduce yourself to our readers, please?

LU: Hi! I’m Lou, an accidental middle age influencer dedicated to empowering women to step into their confidence and rediscover their confidence in their midlife! You can find me on Instagram where I take my community with me on my very personal journey through middle age and the menopause! 

JB: When did ‘Luinluland’ begin? What made you go for it and create a platform to share such incredible messages with others? 

I guess there’s always been some Luinluland in me bursting to get out! I’m the daughter of a Vicar and a Probation Officer, so I grew up in a community and was surrounded by others – I also knew my life was about more than just me! 

I have a chronic spending addiction and as I fell into another debt spiral aged 41, I decided to stop shopping for a year to get my spending under control! It changed my life and I found confidence in achievement that I’d never felt before! It changed my style too and every day for the whole year I wore a different outfit! This was before Instagram had even started and I had a blog on Tumblr where I posted my outfits every day. My poor 8-year-old son had to take it every day! 

I was one of the first people on the internet to post their real OOTD! People seemed to enjoy and resonate with what I was writing and my struggle with my spending addiction. I enjoyed the comfort it gave me and others to share my truth. 

Shortly after that, my husband, son and I moved to Portland Oregon in the USA for my husband’s new job! Life in the US was very very different but I loved it! Almost immediately after arriving, my husband and I started to drift away from each other. He had a big new job he had to throw himself into and because of visas I couldn’t work, so I had the luxury of being able to make friends. I discovered hiking and got really fit! I started vintage shopping tours of Portland; I had a pop-up British Tea Party business and then started renting out my rather large and fun wardrobe of clothes – trying to empower women to try new styles and step out of their comfort zone! 

As my confidence grew, I drifted even further from my husband and lockdown saw the end of my marriage. I moved into the spare room in the house and we set about trying to rebuild a relationship as friends/parents to our now 19 year old son. 

JB: You’ve been an advocate for several different things in relation to ‘growing old disgracefully’ as a woman. Can you tell us a bit more about the importance of self-love as you get older? Some of the challenges you might have faced and overcome? Any examples? 

LU: Someone asked if I was a ‘divorce influencer’ the other day! I am NOT THAT! I believe that if I had loved myself and had confidence in myself and my own voice I’d still be married! I put myself at the bottom of the list of importance for most of my marriage. I can’t blame my ex-husband for that. That’s what I thought I needed to do. It’s what I thought good wives and mothers did. Instead, I shut up and put all my feelings aside – until 18 years later – they all burst out of me! By the time I’d realised what I’d done, it was too late! For years I accused my husband of not treating me as an equal partner. It’s only now I realise I didn’t treat myself like a partner! So, how did I expect him to? 

JB: We love how open you are with your audience in relation to sex positivity. Can you talk to us about how you became so open about the topic? There are a lot of taboos about ageing and sex and we love that you challenge this! What are your thoughts on age/ageing in relation to sex? 

LU: In a recent article, I was asked how I imagined getting older would be when I was younger and I genuinely don’t remember having any thoughts about it. I think I thought I’d be dead by now – hopefully in some incident in Las Vegas involving sex, drugs and rock’n’roll. Instead, here I am, more alive than I have ever been. As the years have rolled by I have found confidence and strength in my age! I’m fitter, stronger, sexier and hornier (no one saw that coming!). 

When I hit my mid 40’s & found fitness, that helped me hugely. I had a whole new relationship with my body that I’d never had before! I was obsessed with being skinny and my relationship with food wasn’t healthy. Fitness changed that and also put me in touch with my body in a new way. 

After many years of marriage, my ex and I had let our sex life fall into chronic neglect. It had never been a huge part of our relationship – we were busy and happy in 1000 different ways and I wasn’t feeling unloved by him at all – it just wasn’t our thing. Then as my confidence grew, one day, whilst out hiking on a mountain, I took my clothes off at the top and posted a picture on Instagram of my naked arse! Within an hour of posting it, I had a dick pic in my inbox from a 26-year-old at the gym! While I don’t condone unsolicited dick pics, this was the first one I had ever got and strangely I felt horny for the first time in a long time which made me realise things had to change! I wanted to get laid again before I died and so began a series of events that ultimately changed my life. 

As I moved into the spare room and separated from my husband, I got offered a job by a vibrator company asking me to become an ambassador for their brand. I said yes and days later a huge box of vibrators arrived for me to try, and I set about testing them in my new bedroom for one! Now, don’t get me wrong, before I married my husband I had been all about sex! If I wanted an orgasm in my 20’s I’d have just found someone to sleep with. Now, in my late 40’s, alone, with a box of vibrators – I truly discovered my body for myself! What I liked and what turns me on. For the first time ever sex wasn’t about anyone but me! It was completely liberating! 

As I started opening up about it a little online, SO many women reached out to me and I started to realise I was not alone. By talking and sharing my experiences it seemed to help other women feel less alone – including me! We are SO conditioned by fear, the patriarchy, society & ourselves! The sex toy brand I work with did a survey recently and discovered that 70% of women feel sexier after the menopause. And whilst we all dread this big change, more women are finding a renewed joy in sex, during and after the menopause! So much of it is in our heads! That’s why I use my platform to spread the message that life is too short and that like life, how you show up for your menopause or midlife, is UP TO YOU! 

Due to these pressures and stereotypes about ageing that’s been portrayed for years in society, lots of women still struggle to come to terms with ageing. Do you have any advice for younger women as they start ageing to tackle that and feel confident? Interestingly, the largest demographic on Instagram that follow me is 33-44 years! That’s a lot of younger women looking ahead to see what ageing could look like! 

I absolutely believe fitness is a huge component to a happier midlife! Understanding your body and being in control of that helps as your body starts changing. There’s no getting away from the ageing skin and knees, and the hangovers last way longer. With Menopause can come mood swings and weight gain and hot flushes – but if you have some understanding of your body, these can not define your life. Lift weights! It helps with our brittle bones and helps prevent osteoporosis. 

Keeping a positive mindset is also key. As I said before – life can be challenging and we will ALL face challenges and hard times. Every single person in this world has hard times and dreadful things happen to them. We all have a horrific sad story to tell. The difference is is how you show up for that! 

JB: A lot of women in their twenties still don’t know a lot about the menopause, the changes it has on your body and how it can affect women. Are you able to share with us some insight into that and some advice? 

LU: Weight gain, hot flushes and night sweats. Brain fog, mood swings and rages. Low mood/anxiety, sleepless nights! 

1. Don’t panic. This too shall pass 
2. TALK to your partner and family so they understand what’s happening to you.
3. Seek medical advice – there is help out there for all the symptoms. 
4. NEVER SAY NEVER – Do whatever you need to get through this phase! If HRT (Hormone Replacement Therapy) is what is needed, ASK FOR IT at the doctor’s 
5. Read and educate yourself and follow some menopause-positive influencers and educators online 
6. Unfollow the negative 
7. Feel excited about not having any more periods 
8. Treat yourself to some new sexy underwear 

JB: Can you tell us about the Zero Fucks Club? 

LU: It just happens. Somewhere around your mid to late 40’s you suddenly just give less! I am all about embracing that feeling & throwing caution to the wind! I have found the most joy in life by stepping out of my comfort zone and seeing what happens! It’s where the magic happens! 

JB: Can you tell us about some of the most standout achievements you’ve had since launching your platforms? 

LU: I think the best thing I have achieved is the community I have built. I love my relationship with the humans that are on my page. I feel connected to them. I have said yes to anyone who ever asked me to be on their podcast and have made connections and friends all around the world.

I am able to be myself and hopefully give others a different way of thinking, or inspiration, or maybe how to think more positively, to dress a little more bravely! 

When I finally left the family home in June 2022, I bought a vintage RV and travelled 6k miles, across 23 states in America, in my Self Love Revolution bus preaching self love and spreading the word, that happiness has to come from YOU! 

JB: If you could talk to your younger self, what advice would you give them? 

LU:

1. Be yourself at all times 
2. Wear a decent outfit every day – what if you get hit by a bus looking terrible!? 
3. Be kind – always 
4. Start by putting yourself in the other person’s shoes. 
5. Forgive people – for your own peace of mind 
6. Remember life i short make it count 
7. Take nudes & keep them 
8. Write yourself love notes! 
9. Manifest like a mother fucker! 
10. Trust the universe and follow your gut 

JB: We love that you have proven that the beauty and fashion standards and pressures all wrong. Your style is so colourful and alive and we can see how much fun you have with it! Can you talk to us about your style? 

LU: I enjoy the attention my outfits bring me! They bring me joy, they bring others joy and I meet incredible strangers through my outfits! I mix vintage and new, thrifted and preloved together. I like bright colours and patterns and unique vintage pieces. If I see anyone wearing something I have – it won’t get worn again! 

Age means nothing in fashion. Have you ever had criticism for being your fantastic self? If so, how have you dealt with it? How would you encourage others to deal with it? I do! Some days it’ll get me down, other days it becomes my fuel to fight harder for other women who don’t have a voice! Or shout louder with mine to educate and inspire women about what is possible if you don’t let those voices into your head! 

JB: What has been the most rewarding part of your work and your platform for you? 

LU: My DM’s. The things people share with me are an incredible privilege! People tell me I’m inspiring. I think it works both ways! My people inspire me to inspire them! I have found an incredible power in being real and keeping it truthful and honest and I think that’s why people are drawn to my platform! 

JB: If you could tell women of all ages one thing, what would you tell them? 

LU: Be yourself and trust the universe! 

JB: We love that you have ‘growing old disgracefully’ on your brand, merch and socials! Here at Disgraceful Magazine, we use the term ‘Disgraceful Woman.’ A Disgraceful woman is a woman who is authentically themselves; does not conform to society’s expectations and does whatever the hell she wants. Would you describe yourself to be a disgraceful woman? 

LU: FUCK YEAH! FUCK SOCIETY! I will not shrink myself, my body, my age, my voice, my style, or my sexuality for anyone! Not anymore! 

You can follow Lou on her Instagram page at @luinluland. You can also find her merch and see more about what she’s doing on her website.