The challenge is very simple: do not smile at all for an entire day, from waking up to going to sleep.
This is not for the faint-hearted. You will learn tough truths about yourself and the world around you.
Why am I asking you to do this? Women tend to smile much more than men and to exaggerate positive facial expressions whilst inhibiting negative ones – we fawn as a method of protection and to be listened to in group settings. Ever been accused of resting bitch face, being ‘bossy’, or told to ‘cheer up, love’? Perhaps you are someone who is exhausted by the end of the day, deadened from the energy of holding up the cheery facade for fear people will dislike you otherwise. Maybe you are sick of people violating your boundaries because you’re just a bit too nice.
This is for you.
I have tried it myself. It was quite unpleasant in a lot of ways: it made me feel less cheery in myself at points, some people assumed I was angry at them, and I saw much fewer smiles in other people over my day than usual.
But I was aware I was undertaking an experiment and I persevered. My zero-smile day allowed me to observe others in their interactions, particularly in the small everyday moments in public and at work. It reminded me that I should not worry so much about how others perceive me. It helped me deliver ideas in a clearer way and brought my anxiety about speaking in groups right down – I was no longer focused on making people like me in order to accept an idea – now I was focused on the idea itself.
I noticed that a lot of men weren’t reflexively smiling at bus drivers, people on the street, colleagues in the corridor, and so on. It gave me a fresh perspective on female colleagues who I had fallen into the trap of thinking weren’t very nice – but they did their jobs well and they were kind and thoughtful even if they didn’t smile all of the time – and I did not have the same expectation of male colleagues.
“I was no longer focused on making people like me in order to accept an idea – now I was focused on the idea itself.”
In her book, ‘The Life-Changing Magic of Not Giving a F*ck’, Sarah Knight recommends making a ‘f*ck budget’ – sitting down and reflecting on when and where you want to give them. In the same vein, we should seek to ration our smiles – think about when we really mean them, rather than using them as a defense mechanism.
An unintended consequence of my zero-smile day was that it highlighted what actually made me smile. There were a few slips – some wee upturned corners of the mouth or little giggles – but each felt magical like they were more potent than any I have had for the past few years. They were real.
It’s not your job to make anyone else feel better. I am not denying that some medicines go down better with a smile than without, and I am not arguing that we should be frowny grumpy folk all of the time. I am challenging you to try one single day with zero smiles – observe, reflect, and love yourself enough to reserve your smiles and energy for when it matters. Feel your real feelings.
Disgraceful Magazine 