Society puts too much pressure on women. What we should be, what we should do and what we should have to be successful is clearly laid out for us – a one-way ticket to marriage, babies or being a boss bitch with no chance of a return or reroute if we change our minds. 

But, really, there is no deadline for success and everyone should get to have their own definition of it. Here, we explore why everyone can be successful in their own way.

We hear it from our friends, and we see it on social media. One is being promoted, the other one is having a baby and the third just bought a house. We might be thinking to ourselves: What am I doing wrong? Have I failed? Everyone seems to be doing so well and succeeding at life, and I’m still here?

But, what we should be asking ourselves when the doubt creeps in is, is that what I want? 

Would all that truly make me happy, or do I only want it because it’s a part of society’s expectations of me – and all women at large? 

Here, I have spoken to five young women, all from different backgrounds with different priorities in life, about how they each view success very differently. Being successful doesn’t have to be a perfect body, a dream job and a big family, and their responses are proof of that.

So ladies, what does success truly mean to you?

Nafisa, 26 years old

“Success is acting in a way that truly aligns with who you are. Being congruent and true to … you. I would also define success as being a good human.”

Juliana, 20 years old

“For me, success is reaching my goals. I feel successful when I manage to achieve something, like a dream or a goal that I had in mind for a long time.”

Mia, 20 years old

“Being successful is not necessarily about wealth or academic [or] job-related achievement. To me, being successful means I am putting 100% into whatever aspect of my life I am focusing on. If I am progressing and growing in my life, if I am working hard to put out the best version of myself into the world, then I am succeeding.

“Getting money and promotions wouldn’t make me feel successful unless I was also putting in hard work, determination and meaning into whatever it was I was doing, whether that be raising my children or working at my job. Being successful means setting a goal and working hard to fulfil it to the best of my ability.”

Veronika, 30 years old

“To me, success is waking up and being able to do the things that I love every day: traveling, exploring and being with the people I love. Success is being able to do those things when I choose to, not when I have time to or when I’m able to fit them in between other stuff I ‘have’ to do. 

“Success means being content with who I truly am and satisfied with the work I do. It’s not about waking up to go to work that I don’t like and coming home to a house full of unfriendliness and a dishwasher that always seems to be full. It has very little to do with the numbers on my bank statement or how much money is in my pocket. Money is just one product of success and doesn’t equal success itself.”

Alessia, 20 years old

“Success means being financially free and being able to help my mother and give her the best last years of her life. I know I shouldn’t be too attached to money and that money isn’t everything, but my mum and I moved to London from Italy seeking a better life. Back home, my mother wasn’t able to pay for new clothes, school, etc. So, although she always taught me that money isn’t important, to me success is being able to buy, to travel and to live without worrying about money.”

What’s really upsetting, and shouldn’t be this way, is the fact that when asked “Do you feel pressured by society to achieve certain goals by a certain age?” all of these women agreed there definitely is a societal pressure. 

Juliana admitted that with her turning 20, she feels as though she is “entering the age where every decision and choice [she] makes is important and will have an impact on [her] future”.

Veronika was slightly more relaxed when asked this question, even though she agreed that “society can create deadlines for certain achievements with no logical reasoning”, she thinks that: ”Life is not a matter of right and wrong answers and perfect timing, it’s about taking ownership of your journey, guiding yourself as best as you can, and enjoying the ride”.

Alessia, on the other hand, feels immensely pressured by society. She says, “I feel like nowadays, especially among women, it’s all about who has the nicest body and who’s the ‘baddest’; who’s got the most expensive clothes, etc”. She also shared that the thing concerning her the most is how, under this pressure, she feels she should have a baby before 25 – even though it’s not something that she wants. 

Mia shares a similar opinion on the topic of having children. She says, “I believe as a young woman you are more pressured into having children by a certain age. For example, the older a woman becomes whilst remaining childless, I feel society raises the question of her femininity, and she may even be viewed as being selfish, by society standards”. 

She might not feel pressured on this topic right now, as she has already fulfilled what could be seen as a woman’s ‘motherly duties’ by having a daughter of her own. However, she still feels the pressure we place on romantic relationships fireclyl: “I believe there is pressure from our society towards aspects such as relationships, and that society may view relationships as not being ‘real’, or that they may ‘fizzle out’, if one is not married or engaged within a certain time frame.” 

“I believe all of these layouts and time frames have been based on how things used to be done, “back in the day”, so to speak”, she confides. “Certain factors such as tradition and religion play a huge role, in my opinion, and I think it is wrong that a modern society still expects people in this day and age to follow a routine created in a time of definite power imbalance, with less options and opportunities. Many people in our society still expect women to get married, not to work, to look after children and tend to household duties all day. However, the people that still follow these beliefs seem to forget that these women did not necessarily want that life, but that there was very little opportunity for the women of that time.”

So, do these women feel successful based on their own definitions of success?

Yes, they do. Nafisa has recently gone completely “cruelty free”, and that feels like success to her. Alessia’s making sure that she is her mother’s mental and financial support and giving her the best years her life has seen yet. Juliana, as a young Youtuber and brand owner, has managed to achieve a few goals she had in mind, including collaborating with brands and being paid for doing something she likes. 

Veronika considers herself successful, because she managed to get a good job, has a family that loves her, practices kind to others and travels a lot. Mia also believes she has succeeded in her life, even though she still has goals in progress. To her, success is an ongoing process, but when she looks at her healthy and happy daughter, finishes another crazy shift at work knowing she tried her best to get all her jobs done or hits a new goal in her training, that’s when she feels successful.

This article is here to show that no one should consider themselves unsuccessful based on society’s merits. We should all choose our own definitions of success, and decide what fulfils us, what makes us happy. 

So, next time you’re thinking about how ‘badly’ you’re doing because you are comparing yourself to other people’s success, just read this article. Read these words and think about what success really means to you and not what it should mean to you. 

Trust us, after you realise what truly matters to you in life, you’ll feel much better.