by Laila Hanou

My Inbetween

He felt like mine, his arms wrapped around me so tight

Almost like he never wanted to let go

I always liked the thought of him being mine more than me being his

He always managed to make the world seem so magical, our moments so delicately special but never secure

The sinister feeling down my spine, hits a nerve with no explanation

But your bubble will always be my favourite place to be

However, I can’t help but focus on the fact that it’s your bubble and not ours… never ours

And who was going to protect my heart from you ?

On the days where your cracks start to show, on that perfectly painted canvas I love-

I notice the inconsistencies you try so hard to hide and wonder if I know you at all

When fear creeps into our sheets, your arms wrap around me like a dream and question my own sanity

The waves of uncertainty and fear throw rocks at this beautifully tucked bed, where I lay on his chest

I know I said I was okay never loving you, I lied

I hate that you made me a liar

But your eyes pierced my soul and held my heart

And how could I leave when your touch is so soft and your lips tell me to stay

Yet my heart bleeds the blue of his veins and the green of his eyes

The gentle touch of his fingers entangled in my hair will now always be one of my favourite memories
I hate that I didn’t let go the moment I knew you would never want me

He is now a carefully carved tattoo engraved in my skin, there forever