The Nila Extract – from radio waves to film to TikTok to… television? How Nila is paving her way into the film industry working full-time, whilst also hosting her own radio show and educational instagram platform whereby she is amplifying the voices of minority ethnic communities, dispelling stereotypes and navigating societal issues – how does she do it?

BBC Best Student Radio Presenter, SRA Best Student Radio Presenter and SRA Silver Award Winner for Best Newcomer, Diana Award Winner are just some of the titles Nila has collated over the past few years. To add to her accolades, Nila was also featured in The Malala Fund’s Assembly magazine with her ‘Brown Is’ series, paying homage to her and other’s Tamil roots and the beauty in being brown. 

What was your initial reaction when you found out that your photos from your co-photographed series ‘Brown Is’ were used for the front cover of The Malala Fund’s Magazine ‘Assembly’? 

I was so shocked and overwhelmed to find out [the photographs were featured on the front cover] because it was a total surprise! 

Talk to us more about your relationship and love for film

[…] I think for a long time, I knew that I wanted to be in the creative industry, in the film industry. I just didn’t know how to get there and I still don’t know how to get there. You know, that is a lot of work. 

Someone told me recently that I have a “go do” attitude. A go getter attitude, because I asked her for advice about some camera stuff. And then she was telling me about making short films and whatever. And then I was like, I’m planning to do one and then she was like, great. And then I was like, I just did it. 

She messaged me back to say, like, “You’ve got a go-getter attitude” 

But with the film premiers and stuff like that I feel like I’ve been extremely privileged because film is literally like, where I feel most happy. Like every day I watch films or TV. It sounds terrible for my eyes. And it probably is, but I love movies. I love telling stories visually. I love seeing the way people like to move the camera for certain shots and how they’re achieved and things like that. If I’m ever in a bad mood, like I was telling you the other day, I’ve literally just taken myself to the movies because that’s just where I escape and pretend I’m living a different life. So to be invited to some of these premieres has honestly been such an honour and to have people want me to come and review that stuff or just have that experience; I really, really hope that I can keep going.

So, how did this all start? Was it your platform that leveraged you? How did you start getting invited to movie premieres? 

It’s definitely the content that I put out because, I do a mix of stuff, I talk about social issues but then I also put out my short films and I also do videos about, representation, or sometimes just in film in general, like I’ve done summaries or criticised films or talked about the way that certain things were done. And I think some production houses saw that and they got in touch and said “we really like your stuff” etc. So I really think putting that stuff out there has really been good. It’s really helped. But I mean, I don’t do it for that. I guess obviously there’s tons I want to talk about. It’s just an honour that someone’s actually watching. I feel like my platforms are literally my online portfolio. You know, I’ve got all of the different things that I do from music from it. I do it just because I enjoy it, I guess, post about it and then I just forget about it for days. But I think that’s the platform for sure. Yeah.

Who was the first to reach out to you?

Um, oh gosh. I’m trying to think of when I went to the London Film Festival, like in 2021 or 2020. I’m trying to think like the first one where someone actually invited me for press coverage. 

I think after I won the Diana Award, I got a lot more exposure, which I’m very grateful for. And so like, a lot of people reached out to me and followed me because of that, like they took me along to things and that’s where I met people and then networked kind of became like industry friends that ask them questions, and then sometimes they’ll be like, come to our event. Which is really lovely as well. I think it’s just nice to just chat to everyone. You never know who you’ll work with in the future, I guess. 

I love to think that this is all happening.

Yeah, I feel like I’ve been extremely lucky so far. I have a very, very, very, very, very long way to go. But I feel extremely grateful and I’m still in shock and denial most of the time.

You really are just working hard and making life work for you. 

Yeah. She sacrifices sleep. No, I’m kidding! I shot my first short film a few weeks ago, it was absolutely crazy. Because I pulled the whole thing together in two weeks. And I had literally worked every day that week. And then I had three days worth of shoots, I had worked every single day of the week and it was actually exhausting because I’ve never directed a crew. And I’ve never acted in a crew that I also directed. So I directed myself and a crew which was a lot but it was so worth it because I just appreciated how much people believed in the project and actually turned up, that was crazy to me.

I remember you putting out a crew request on Instagram

Yes, I needed some crew members to help out. Because we’re very small production our budget is basically zero. So you know I just cover travel and food. Of course, like I couldn’t offer full day payments but I was very grateful that everyone was a collaborator and were all looking to expand their experience. It was really nice to have that. 

Yeah, because it’s the “how”. You just decide ‘I’m going to direct this short film. I’m just gonna do it. I’m gonna ask some people on my story and recruit a crew, I’m just gonna make it happen’

I know it’s pretty crazy. I think I’m still in denial; I haven’t even watched any of the footage back even though I have a deadline for myself, and it’s approaching very fast. It’s just.. I wanted to do this for a long time and I had a story that I wanted to do. I knew that this year I definitely wanted to do a short film. I didn’t know how and when and where to start. 

Honestly trust me. I had no idea where to start. And then I went to this event called the BFI future film festival, and it’s open to anyone under 25 years old. It was like a bunch of workshops and yeah, they said “please come” and I was like, “oh my god, okay” I went and talked to people who had made short films for the first time and just asked about how they did it. And they were saying how they collaborated with people. And I was like, “how did you do all this without any budget?” and I learned about funding. I think I started on this platform. 

I don’t know if you’ve heard of dots? It’s like Facebook but for creatives, looking to collaborate or post events and so someone told me about it. And so we joined it and I put out a literal open call saying: I’m looking for a director of photography and cinematographer but only for collaborations. And then a few people got back to me, and then I screened them and I spoke to them and I interviewed them and I was trying to figure out who would work best for me. And then I was talking to one of my friends who happens to be a film school graduate and she wanted to do the project and I was like, “Oh my God. Yes!”

So she got on board and we had meetings after work and before work and we’d just sit in cafes and wherever we found space and we just talked about the film and how it was my first time doing something that big and so she was really walking me through it. Shout out to Lara like she honestly… I couldn’t have done it without her and she believed in me and she wanted to collaborate with me. And she knew I couldn’t pay her. But you know, she respected the project. And she actually, believed in it and my boyfriend Rob, who he also is very, very creative. And so he wrote the screenplay with me. And so that was a massive honour. And then from there, I think a few days before we were supposed to do it I was like, oh shit, we actually need people to hold mics, and hold things and we need runners and crew members.

So I posted the call and immediately two other people jumped on and they said “of course we’ll do it”. So it all came together very fast. And I remember the first day was hectic. I had just done a shift at work and I met everyone on our first set, an outdoor set. It was really crazy, seeing people set up their cameras and hold things and whatnot. We just kept pushing through it. I was kind of in denial and then it was suddenly over as soon as it started. It’s over and now it’s been quite a few weeks since we shot it and that’s absolutely crazy to me. The whole thing is crazy to me. 

So when you get everyone in one place, and you’re ready to start – do you just start or do you look around you’re like, shit, life is really happening, did it feel natural in telling people what to do?

That first day, I  was really flustered. I didn’t feel ready. I knew this was what I wanted to do and I knew I could do it. But yeah, I had to take it all in. I was just standing there like, Oh my God, all these people are here for me. And, I have a responsibility to do a good job. I think when you’re in that zone, you just forget about all of that. It was only really after our first day of production, and all the crew had left and Rob and I had just sat behind because we were still eating our lunches. We were just sitting in the park and I was like, “I can’t believe that just happened” I just directed a crew since well when does that happen? I definitely don’t think it’s natural. But I think when I’m in the zone, it comes out and I think having directed the shoot last year, it really gave me a lot of experience, you know with how to talk to people and how to make a set like a very happy and comfortable place. For everyone. 

So when you did that shoot last year for “Brown is” that was featured in Assembly for The Malala Fund and now our Disgraceful feature. Did you just request any person with a South Asian heritage in your story did they want to be a part of it? 

Yeah, so that was totally different to the short film I shot this year. This one I completely went in on my own. I just put out a casting call for people to be in the shoot. And I wanted to cast just everyday people not models or anyone specific, just people who wanted to feel good about themselves and proud about their skin.

Then once I put out that casting call, I got a message from an incredibly talented photographer. Her name is Sonia Abbas and she actually has done a couple of things for Vogue. She’s crazy. She’s the same age as me and is wildly talented. I thought she wanted to be a model on the shoot. And she said no, I’d actually love to help photograph it if you’d be okay. And I was like, yes!!! So we had so many calls. And we spoke about what my vision was and how we were going to bring that to life and in the meantime I just put out that casting call and I told people to sign up through a Google form. 

And I kept it at like 20 people and then I split that into 3 groups of 5 which is 15 because some people dropped out at the last minute which was fine. We still ended up with a fantastic project, I wanted to do it in Hyde Park and I did the first day completely on my own. Rob did the lighting. The second day Sonya came and she helped out because I wanted to be in the shoot that day. So I directed, Sonya photographed, and Rob did the lighting. And then on the last day nobody was available. So I did the  lighting and the photography on my own which is crazy. I was holding the lighting reflector whilst taking the picture. It was actually, hella hot but so rewarding. It was actually a heatwave. And so I just kind of lay there afterwards. But honestly, I couldn’t didn’t think about just how good that it would have turned out. It’s the first time I’ve done something like that.

You said you wanted to become a famous actress on the big screen?

Oh yeah, still, I WILL be an oscar award winning actress. I’m just waiting. I have known that since I was a kid. I know that sounds super cocky but I just know, I just know. It’s just a feeling. I want it so badly, I wanted it when I was younger and I’ll find it in some way. 

I also wanted to be a marine biologist, an astronomer, an archaeologist and an egyptologist. I wanted to be a lot of ists, I wanted to be a psychologist at the beginning of 2019. Things change but I still know I will make it on the big screen one day. 

So would your younger self expect you to be doing what you’re doing now?

Absolutely not. Again, I just assumed I’d be an actress one day. I never thought I’d do radio – ever. I wanted to try it for a long time, I thought it was cool, I always wanted to try it but I never felt that push until lockdown. It was actually the only society that was open during lockdown. There was nothing else to do, I needed an excuse to go out and the radio gave me that. I also wanted to get some of my third year of university back that was so cruelly stolen by covid lockdown and with radio, there only needed to be one person in the studio. I actually tried joining in first year but I missed the induction and never went back so I took it as an opportunity to actually do this and then here we are now, so I had no idea. I think I definitely knew at this point in time I would be doing things that I liked in a media space to some degree I just didn’t know in which way. 

I also did theatre at uni and I still do it now.

You’re going to be on the big screen, I have accepted it as a fact now.

*Laughs*

Where do you see yourself in the future? 

I want to keep expanding the show, maybe have a talk show and then become an actress, win an oscar and then retire as a talk show host, who knows. I know that I’m going to be somewhere where I am creating and I am my own boss. I want to have the agency to create material that speaks to people and helps people and sheds light on minority communities in the best light possible. I don’t know what form but whatever I’ll be doing I want to keep amplifying the voices of communities in different ways. Hopefully.

What motivated you to start The Nila Extract?

Well, it was lockdown that gave me the initial push but, it was more the fact I was facing so many social and personal issues with no one to relate to. There were so many representational issues and taboos that needed addressing that I was so shocked to find out still existed in the 21st century especially amongst South Asian people and other minority communities. Even just amongst society in general to do with sex education, for example how many people hadn’t been allowed to develop an adequate understanding of it and I just kept thinking someone needs to talk about it. 

So, you were motivated to become the person you didn’t have yourself?

Yes, definitely, I tried to become what small me didn’t have so that hopefully I could help future small mes in other places so that they might have someone to relate to. I just want my information to be accessible as much as possible. 

I had so much pent up frustration that this was my reality that I knew something had to be done and things had to change. Like the discrimination that I had faced in high school or the other bad experiences and I just needed an outlet to vent and channel it for good. I really wanted to start bringing people who may not have a platform together and allow them to share their story and to hopefully relate to someone. That’s the reason why I started the show and invited people who didn’t look like me and who weren’t from the same community as me. 

What’s been one of the benefits of having your own podcast/radio show?

It’s been really interesting unlearning things and learning things that you can’t learn from speaking to people who are the same as you. I thought it was important to embrace difference and diversity and not have it just as the Nila show because that could be really boring! I felt like I had so much room to grow, things I wanted to let go of and things I wanted to adopt and learn and allowing others onto my show allowed me to grow as a person and help my audience grow with me. I believe the best way to learn is by listening and by talking to people so that’s what I did! 

What would your advice be to someone who wants to get into radio or media and doesn’t know how to start? 

Well I just  joined my university’s Radio Society URN (University Radio Nottingham) and pitched a show idea and I’d describe it as selling yourself; I worked on the idea, came back, made it better for them to take onboard, and eventually they gave me a slot and it just went from there. I didn’t start the social media stuff until later on until a guest of mine pointed out to me that I now had a platform that became bigger than just the radio. I wanted to encourage others to use their voice and to just go out after things that they want and to tell them that no dream is too big. Don’t be afraid to experiment, invite collaborators, speak to lots of people, we are all human, no one is too important to take the time to speak to you and network, ask questions and email!

So you mentioned that you started the podcast to help “little you” If there was one thing you could say to little Nila, what would you say to them?

I think I’d just say don’t be so harsh on yourself because who you are will start to change based on different social cues, you’re going to have to adapt everyday, embrace the change and don’t be harsh on yourself when you find yourself unable to catch up.

Tell me about your upbringing, I was surprised to find you were born in the Isle of Wight? 

Yes, I lived in the Isle of Wight for the first year of my life and moved to Manchester shortly after I turned one.

You’ve spoken about a lot of discrimination amongst your peers, what was your school-life like? 

When I was in Manchester I was based in a predominantly white school, I may have been discriminated against then but I never would have thought it was because of my colour, I just thought it was because people thought I was weird or different. My brother and I were the only two brown people within our school and that was fine, I don’t think I had any issues at primary school, I still regard those as some of the best years of my life. I loved primary school, it was so fun. 

When was the discrimination at its worst?

It was when I was doing my A-levels, at the end of GCSEs…. When I was in Singapore, I went to a certain international school with my brother and suddenly we went from having all white peers to having lots and lots of South Asian peers. 

Originally, I thought maybe I’d find a lot in common with people, or maybe I’d feel more proud of my identity; I am very close to my heritage and identity, and was even when I was living in the UK, thanks to my parents. However, I always felt a small disconnect because I was living a British lifestyle and also a South Asian lifestyle, which I love equally. I just wanted to explore that South Asian style more but I ended up receiving quite the opposite reaction I was expecting at that school. 

Why didn’t it live up to your expectations?

I expected everyone to just treat me normal; I didn’t even realise people could discriminate against people who were the same, I think that may be the same within any ethnic group. I hadn’t been around so many South Asians before and we all had such different upbringings but they either looked like me or looked different to me. 

How were those years of your life regarding college?

It was different, I think those years were really really tough. I had a terrible time at college… I felt like I wasn’t performing well at school or I’d gone through some traumatic things and I didn’t know how to cope because although my parents were doing as much as they could, my school was very much stigmatising mental health and stigmatising things like suicide and asking for help. It became really difficult for me to get the help that I needed. Also, people would just discriminate against me for my South Indian heritage and I didn’t know that South Indian was something to make fun of or mocked, let alone within South Asian films and media. That was so foreign to me. I remember I kept thinking, why, what’s wrong? I used to think you’re south asian, i’m south asian, you’re indian, I’m indian, what’s wrong? I don’t get it.

How do you think you managed to get through that time?

I owe it all to my parents. I don’t think I could’ve picked myself up without them, they’re so supportive and so is my brother. I feel really privileged to have them. It took a while for me to realise that I wasn’t the issue, it was a generational thing, it was something that is ingrained into a lot of people’s psyche, so many types. I blamed myself for a while, then I went to university and learnt that it was more society’s way of depicting various communities that affects how others treat you.

Did you experience discrimination at any point, before being a teenager?

[No] When I was at primary school, during swimming lessons when the darkness of my hair was more noticeable other kids noticed, they’d often mention the appearance of the hair above my lip and side burns, however, I was more confused than ashamed. I didn’t understand what they were noticing, they had upper lip hair, it was just that theirs were less noticeable. It definitely wasn’t discrimination, I think it was just kids pointing it out because it was new to them and it was new to me. The water used to bring out my hair colour and they’d say “why is your hair black” and I’d say “I don’t know, why isn’t yours?” *laughs* People I knew at the time who did have thick body hair did get made fun of and then did start shaving their arms at the time but personally, I didn’t have that experience. 

The episode that you created “Not Indian Enough”, what does that mean to you?

That actually was my first ever episode, which is crazy, it’s been just over 2 years now since I released that episode. I think for me, “Not Indian Enough”… I have my own perception on how I am as a South Asian, on how much I love my culture and Tamil identity, I have a lot of respect for it. But it’s weird because when I was in the predominantly South Asian setting it was as though I wasn’t “Indian enough”. 

Why was that?

I didn’t speak the right language for them because of preexisting biases to do with language hierarchy which I wasn’t aware of until then, caste-based discrimination which I knew about but never experienced first-hand and ofcourse, as I mentioned before, being a South-Indian person I faced a lot of belittling and mockery anyway, because people in India treat South Indian people as lesser and even question why they are even in India! We are seen as the lower tier of the imagined hierarchy so I just wasn’t “brown enough” for them and it made me feel like I should be ashamed of my identity; that shouldn’t have been the case at all and it took me a while to realise and unlearn that. 

So, can you explain to me a little more where this discrimination came from?

It came from a lot of things like the language hierarchy. I speak Tamil and a lot of the people in my school didn’t. They spoke north indian languages, which was fine, but they discriminated against me for speaking a language which had a stereotype for being lesser. It comes from the government and it comes from communities and societies and it bled out into my school. And so, no matter where I went I felt like I didn’t fit in; I just couldn’t find my place anywhere. If I went to white people I was too brown for them and when I went to brown people I was not brown enough or not the right “type” of indian they were looking for. 

What does not “Indian Enough” mean to you now?

“Not Indian Enough” means to me that I don’t fit in a box, I’m not a tick box I’m not what an “Indian” is meant to look like or act like; I am different and I think my identity has been influenced by so many different factors which are unique to me and I am proud of that. It took me a long time to believe that there wasn’t anything wrong with me, that I hadn’t done anything wrong, that I couldn’t fault my upbringing and it was in fact, the system of unspoken biases and hierarchies that were at fault, not me. 

How did that segregation show itself? Was it ever through physical conversations?

No, it was more of an unsaid, unspoken understanding, you just look at them and you know, so many others were going through the same thing within their own south asian communities or family friend groups. We never openly spoke about it but it’s so weird because after I published that episode so many people messaged me to say that they had always wanted to speak about this and never have or that I went through this and it deeply shocked me. Even the people who treated me badly at school apologised who were also really shocked and said “I didn’t even realise that I had these biases” but amongst south indian people alone I think we had an understanding we were all going through the same thing. 

How did the discrimination manifest itself?

It would be me talking in a group of people and they’d go “oh you’re south indian then?” and then they’d immediately vomit a bunch of stereotypes at me and I’d be like ehhh no. 

It’d also be a lot of things to do with my South Asian heritage to do with my hair oiling or how my skin is a lot darker from those in Northern India or what my parents looked like or, what their careers were or where I went to school. The fact that I came from the UK helped me because it made me slightly a bit cooler than other people but I know that other south indian people within my class were treated like shit by people from other regions. 

That must have been really difficult for you, especially at a time where all you want to do is fit in and belong. 

It sucked because we were all so young; you don’t expect that bias to come from such young people. Okay, sure, people who live in India from older generations I understand, but especially when we are exposed to such wonderful pieces of media now that talk about not discriminating against people and you’re within a bunch of people who are discriminating against their own race but, again, I know that happens within a lot of marginalised groups. 

Is there more to this discrimination then?

Yes, there’s colourism, there’s also a stereotype that south indian people have more melanin-rich skin compared to northern regions. People of a lower caste are also known to have darker skin meaning that socially you just don’t matter. It’s so stupid but there’s a lot of biases that still come from that still and you wouldn’t expect for it to come from younger people but that’s just the reality of it unfortunately. So language, colourism and judging me based on which region of india I was from. They even used the fact that I don’t watch the same type of movies as them as a reason to chastise me. 

It’s so good then that throughout this you had your parents and their support, how did they speak to you about dealing with these situations?

It was just a conversation that took place over years, sparingly. I’d tell them that this thing happened and then we’d have a talk about it and another talk about it and then another talk when something else happened. I think I was confused from the instances I faced, I couldn’t understand why I had to know these things at one point and then when I started experiencing discrimination I understood why. 

Did this prepare you enough for instances of discrimination?

Even though you have those talks with your parents when it actually comes to a situation where you recognise you’re being discriminated against, you can have all the right things to say but find in that moment you just go numb or blank and can’t respond and I forget everything. Sometimes I just let things slide or I don’t want to say anything and it’s times like that where I get really frustrated and self-conscious. It’s different for everyone, I am grateful we continue to have that conversation, not just one conversation and then we’ve had it because discrimination can happen in so many different ways and different instances there’s no one scenario and no one way to deal with it. 

Do you always notice when you’re being discriminated against?

I guess every person of colour has that subconscious feeling of “oh they’re treating me differently, maybe I should say something”, it’s like an inner gut tingle.

What were the conversations like that your parents had with you about others treating you differently because of your skin colour?

The types of conversations I had with my parents were more like “you’re probably going to have to work three times harder than your white peers to have your voice heard or to be seen” and “put your foot down and say I’m proud of my name” and don’t let anyone call me just whatever they want to call me. I got so bored of correcting people and my parents often reminded me to be proud of my name. I don’t imagine someone saying the name “John” wrong. “Nila” is the same amount of letters. 

My parents also taught me when to walk away from situations something I learnt that is quite important; you can’t stand up for yourself in every situation, you have to survey, “is this going to be dangerous for me” “is this something that the person I’m talking to is going to deflect” “is the conversation worth my breath or are they going to just tell me” “i’m not racist I don’t see colour” 

You must really have to learn when to pick your battles

I think you have to have a mental checklist before you confront people and decide what good can come from this conversation and yes, really pick your battles. It’s definitely okay to walk away sometimes, you’re not obliged to educate people and so it’s absolutely okay to walk away. It’s also how you manage it afterwards, the self-care, that helps you, reminding yourself that it’s not your fault and even having a conversation with someone else about it who also was affected. Or going out with a white person and you get discriminated against and they don’t notice and having a conversation with them rather than exploding at the discriminant person, it’s putting your energy in the better place to create the best and safest outcome. 

I get annoyed when people get my name wrong and try to make a conscious effort to learn other people’s, I really can’t imagine “Nila” being that difficult to pronounce.

With the name thing, I think I’d rather have someone ask me than someone tell me what they are going to call me. It’s so nice for someone to take the time and effort to pronounce your name properly rather than asking if there’s a shorter or easier version. My name is obviously only 4 letters, you wouldn’t think people find it hard to pronounce but they do have trouble. 

Yeah I remember during freshers you introduced your name as Vanilla without the va.

Yeah, that was the first time I had introduced myself like that and then, eventually, it stuck but it’s annoying that I have to put that much effort into explaining my name to people in the first place. 

It’s just having respect for people’s names, as important as respecting people’s pronouns, how they identify and their gender, it’s just basic manners and respect really. 

What did you want to be when you were younger?

So many things Kate. 

What’s it been like navigating an inter-racial relationship?

That’s been very interesting. I don’t think there’s any guide on how to do it so we are discovering new things together all the time. 

He’s [Rob] so lovely, I think it is important for whoever I date regardless of their own ethnic background or community that they are able to embrace my culture and are respectful of it because it is such a huge part of who I am. I’m very grateful that Rob is someone who is very adaptable, willing to learn and unlearn; he’s always putting himself in situations he never imagined himself to be in.  

What was it like introducing Rob to your family in India?

He came with me and my family to Chennai for a month and met around 300 people. He was great at talking to people, he’s an introverted extrovert so it was quite a new situation for him. He speaks better Tamil than a lot of people I know. He did a great job. He really enjoyed the South Indian and Tamil culture. I think he had a blast and my family had a blast getting to know him. It was a fantastic experience overall, I feel really lucky that my family were so welcoming, something that I didn’t expect from them. I wasn’t sure what to expect really, so I went in with no expectations.

So you haven’t experienced any judgement towards your relationship?

No, I’m sure there are people out there in relationships with people who are a different race, follow different religion, culture and have felt there has been a stigma towards them, luckily I have not experienced this within my family.

Do you think people look at you differently for being an interracial relationship? Less socially acceptable? 

I am sure there are people out there who don’t approve of mine and Rob’s relationship, I just don’t care. 

What’s been your biggest pinch me moment?

When I won the SRA Award last year. It was crazy because I did not expect that at all. I’ve never won anything before in my life, besides stuff to do with tennis – that doesn’t really count – before this I was told I suck at everything and I can’t do education stuff, that I was dumb – I’ve been told it all by teachers and relatives and whoever – so to be awarded for something that I had worked so hard on and actually loved, it was so validating and shocking, it made me feel like I was moving in the right direction. So yeah, winning that award was crazy, like a massive pinch me moment.

And also having the guests that I have had on my show, is a pinch me moment that I have every week because I’m just shocked that they want to give me some of their time to rattle their ears off. 

I didn’t know that you got told that you were dumb at school?!

I got told a lot of things at that (certain international) school. They said you’re probably going to fail everything, you’re dumb, you can’t do this. I think this one teacher told me that I was just going to be a lonely housewife, uneducated and supported by my husband and I remember thinking to myself what kind of insult is this? Yeah, they said a bunch of things like “your daughter isn’t set for this path” and “you’ll never get into university” which I did and then they said “she’s not going to pass any of her exams” and I did. They told me so many negative things about me that I started to believe them, I started to believe I was dumb and wouldn’t amount to anything and then I started to prove myself wrong as well as them. It took me a while to stop believing that what they said about me was true. I used to just believe them and tell myself that I couldn’t do it. That’s something that I am unlearning everyday. I do more for myself now rather than just for other people as well. 

What does it mean to have South Asian representation in the media for you and what did the representation of South Asians mean for you in Bridgerton?

I think representation in general, it’s not perfect but it’s constantly changing and I am trying to embrace that change and see what it has in store. With Bridgerton it’s not perfect at all, in fact some parts of it were terrible and some parts of it were great. I think it’s small things; Amma and Appa is what I call my parents every day and just to hear someone say that on TV is so validating, literally one of Netflix’s number 1 show in the world by a tamil person, who had melanin-rich skin, who was from the same community it was crazy. So when I knew there were going to be two Tamil girls as the main characters in a show, I would have never expected it in such a huge show, it was crazy. They weren’t side characters, they were beautiful, desirable, desired people and I had never seen that. I had never seen people who looked like me being wanted and celebrated in that way or represented as such powerhouse characters. Again it wasn’t perfect, there were so many bits that didn’t add up. It’s definitely a great start for representation and research into paying homage to a culture rather than basing a character’s entire personality traits around their culture or ethnic background. 

How do you think other people can educate themselves on other cultures and ethnicities? 

Take the time to educate yourself, you cannot depend on people of colour or anyone to spoon feed you, it’s important to take your own initiative in teaching yourself, address your privilege and the things you might need to work on, read books, listen to podcasts, have conversations like the one we are having now. Listen, watch movies, make changes in tiny ways, it doesn’t have to be a massive protest, there are so many different ways in which you can learn about someone else’s culture. Giving them a platform to talk about their culture and listening to them. Eliminating that bias. Take the time to educate yourself, if you want to educate yourself you will do it. Ask questions.

I wanted to address something really unusual that I picked up on that I don’t think many people openly admit, but in a few of your videos you mention farting?

Maybe one video yeah, I mention it, I think my brother farted whilst I was recording once and then I farted and covered it up and was then complimented on the great background music I had – but yes! I fart! And I’m not afraid to admit that! 

Is there anything in particular that you’re struggling with right now?

I had a lot of expectations of myself where I’ll be, 21, finished my Masters, what now? I know where I want to be but how do I get there? Quite daunting, I’ve spoken to you about job hunting, it’s that sudden change, being a student it felt quite safe like in a bubble and suddenly you’re not anymore. So navigating that big change is something that I am struggling with, but I am doing fine. 

What’s one thing you wish never existed?

Spinach. I hate spinach. 

What’s your go to Tesco meal deal?

BLT. A pot of fruit or olives. Tropicana orange no bits.

What’s one thing that if you die having never done it, you’ll regret?

Seeing some whales, I’m obsessed with whales, I have everything from paintings, to books, water bottles, earrings, I love whales but I’ve never ever seen one. Sometimes I even have dreams about seeing them and then I wake up really sad. 

What’s your Top 3 South Asian snacks?

This is so hard, there’s so many things that I love! I love my mum’s chicken and potato Kulambu, so it’s like a south indian curry, there’s actually no word for curry, it’s a white word. In Tamil we call it Kozhambu, which basically means curry. I love Biryani and I love Dosas. There’s a thing called Appam which can also be called Hoppers with coconut milk, that is my favourite thing, with a chicken curry. 

So curry is a white word?

Yeah! You know Chicken Tikka Masala is the national dish for England? It’s made for white people by white people. Curry only exists in England. A lot of the chinese, indian takeaways that we have in the UK are geared up for white people, they don’t eat them like that in other places. Rogan josh, vindaloo, madras, they don’t exist within our culture, they’re a white thing.

Photography credits:

Soft Love Photography – @soniaartistry | Creative Director – @the_nila_extract @nilavarman | Art Director – @soniaartistry | Lighting – @daylightrobberty | Models : @the_nila_extract (Nila), @ata_cdy (Ata), @anukiraha (Anu Kiraha), _rhe.sam_ (Rhe), @Sammyuktha (Samyuktha), @preeps28 ( Priya), @farzeen_shafeek (Farzeen) , @rai.arpana (Arpana), @7amilahh (Jamilah), @bimmyrai (Bimmy), @_.twoinabillion._ (Aishwarya), @mayfly.productions (Mason), @nandan.malhotra (Nandan)